Fear....

Fear, can evoke many reactions. The fear of failing to better yourself in a New Year, can, for some be too much to bear.

Spiders can make me violent towards myself, resulting in a punched nose and a blood-induced CSI bathroom scene.... twice.  I can turn 'feral' in a nano second when faced with eight legs - no matter how big or small. If I think it 'could' crawl into my mouth at ANY point, all self control goes out the window.  This is followed by blood curdling and animalistic screams, and once in the middle of a Corporate meeting - the removal of ALL my top-half clothes (just incase it's leapt onto my chest...) and my skirt..... my fear is completely phobic.  As a child I hated them, and as an adult I hate them. They frighten me, and leave me with tingling armpits and adrenaline running down the backs of my legs.

As a child, my younger brother could frighten me simply by singing the theme music from Jaws. One minute my legs would be dangling over the settee, the next they'd be whisked up into the safety of the cushions, if he started in the bath, I would have to empty the water out only to discover he'd left me a present at the bottom - not of the shark kind....

I can quite easily scare myself, In fact this is such a common occurrence  I almost want to slap myself every day.  Take this evening for instance. I needed to go to the shop. I get in the car and upon pulling away, just glance in the mirror. For a split second I visualise The Mad Axe Man sitting in the back - so much so, I gasp out loud, before realising it was just the head rests silhouette in the back.  At this point I have already lost control of my language skills, my heart rate has increased so much so it's ringing in my ears followed by the obligatory tingling arm pits.

Loud noises make me loose control of my bodily functions.  On at least four occasions I have publicly 'dropped' to the floor to save myself from a 'crashing  plane' and yet when faced with a serious Air Baloon crash, I was very calm.  Well, I say calm... After hitting the only concrete square patch in a Military Base and being refused landing permission (like we had a choice!), taking four large trees down with us, and adapting the 'brace' position, being shot at by armed guards was the very least of my worries....

Fear of being a rubbish mum changes my reaction though.  No tingling arm pits or hysteria to be felt or seen.  When faced with lifes challenges, inner strength and an internal natural boost of citrus nitrate that enables me to fire on all cylinders.  I don't know what drives that maternal engine, but it is a very calm, serious and determined inbuilt system.

I know when I get into bed tonight, out of the corner of my eye, I will see a shadow. It will belong to the wardrobe or just my imagination, but as I leap into my bedroom, jumping over Craig and diving under the covers, my breathing will be almost hyperventilation level, which will give Craig Carte Blanche on frightening me to death.

This is of course after I have beaten myself up when getting out of the bath thinking that the fibres and threads from sewing, which are now hanging all over my dressing gown are Infact real Huntsmen Spiders ready to leap onto my face at any moment.

Fear is a funny thing, or so my family think.....

And so I want us all to enter into this new year without fear of our failings, but with our heads held high, and the knowledge that each and everyone of us, will embrace another year being as marvellous and inspirational as we were last year.