Together GF and I are united in having - Scrambled Egg Head!

Ok, so mixed in with this historical blog, I will be posting 'present day' ramblings, this is mainly down to the fact that:
a) I have too much going on at the moment
b) I have too much to say
c) I have too much to write
d) My brain has started to turn into scrambled egg trying to retain bits I want to say!

Talking of 'scrambled egg brains' (sorry GF), I had a meeting with her consultant yesterday.  She is of course still hanging on, desperately tired of life, undignified and exhausted.  The meeting was OK, and going meant that my mother didn't have the stress of the 'palliative care' conversation.  For me, GF 'left the building' when she had her first stroke, even though she was fine and independent, the Granny that I knew had gone, replaced by an Alien-Sweet- Biddy- Imposter.

"How dreadful!' I hear you cry… but it's true.  On many occasions GF's sharp tongue and usually a slap (for me) reminded us of her mad personality.  Celebratory moments have always been met with "What do you want to do that for?" closely followed by an eye roll, finishing with and head-up 'tut'.

"Granny, I've got something to tell you……"
"I'm pregnant!"
"Humph! What did you want to do that for?" *rolls eyeballs and tuts*

"Granny, Craig and I are getting married!"
"What do you want to do that for?" *rolls eyeballs and tuts*

Leona and I were always the 'ugly sisters' - this was reiterated on many occasions. (No comments required on that line please….)

We have been tutted, slapped, ordered to do things, and completely abused by GF, but we love her dearly for it - definitely payback time for everything she has done for us over the years.

However, tonight when I went to see her, she had one eye open, and although she can't see out of it, I don't think she can focus, she is definitely tracking something….whether it's the light, or sound, but it stops half way across, letting the eye go still and continue vacant.  Her mimicking ability is quite good, and rambled everything I said at a hundred miles an hour, she was good fun. That said and done though, she is still paralysed on her left side, with very little movement on the right.  Tonight she had a feeding tube back down through her nose (she hates them and keeps yanking them out) and was back on oxygen.  For the first time since the stroke, I didn't hear her try to cough up secretions.  We can be thankful for what sounds a small mercy, but actually in the grand scheme of things, it is what probably will kill her off.

She is definitely calm and comfortable.  Holding onto either your own hand for dear life, or Ivys Taggi Blanket, which she is loving.  There was no recollection of my name, or even who I was, she was excited to see Craig, but again, couldn't say his name, and continued to feel my ring finger for my diamonds.  Before the stroke I would have definitely said, she was doing it to differentiate  between my mother and myself, I am the only one in the family that wears rings, but after tonight, I think she just liked the feel of them…..

Did I feel sad tonight after seeing her?  Not on your nelly!  She was super fun, and quite responsive.  Not in a lucid 10 minute conversation way, but her eyes were open and she was rambling on for a good 15 minutes about absolutely nothing - , chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, squeeze hand to death, chat, chat.  I told her what a good girl she'd been today, because there was a RED STAR chart up by the bed, "You've been a good girl Granny!"
"Been a good girl" she tried to say
"good girl… good girl… good girl…"She rambled and repeated
Then I told her she could put her one arm down that she was holding my hand with, whilst she was doing this she shut one eye and gurning away like Olive's other half….
"Let's just lay this arm down Granny or you'll end up with bigger muscles than Popeye!"
At which point she tried to smile and laugh, but as she has no muscle control ,she pulled a fabulous face and we both giggled in our own ways…. same meaning, just a different expression.

It is truly amazing how you can communicate non-verbally.  And how a damaged brain can start to re-fire.

Today was a good day, tomorrow may be different, but for now, I'll take the nonsense chatter and relaxed manner over the harrowing last 14 days in a flash.

Living she may be. Just. And whilst she's not in distress or pain, well, that just makes me smile x

We love you GF, Sleep tight! No snoring! Foghorn!